


A Family Matter

by Feelysonheelys



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Post-Canon, Profanity, family camping trip, it's the one time of the year that joel lets the kids say fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feelysonheelys/pseuds/Feelysonheelys
Summary: "The bots aren’t my family just because I built them. It’s because we’ve been brought together like this. Same with Mike. And if you’ll let us…”The robots closed in around Joel and Mike, looking over at Jonah, who had been stunned into silence.Jonah is invited to go camping with the bots. It's not what he expected.





	A Family Matter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Paycheckgurl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paycheckgurl/gifts).



> Sorry to Paycheckgurl for the slight delay, especially seeing how fantastic her gift for me was. As gratitude, I'll be adding a follow-up chapter soon.

It was as clear a day as any, the August sun glistening through the trees and gleaming on the surface of the stream as Jonah pleasantly waited for the other shoe to drop.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate being invited to go camping with the bots, but he’d spent enough time with Crow and Tom Servo to always be a  _ little _ on guard. He didn’t let it ruin the rather substantial hike they had been taking; he wasn’t going to be paranoid. He just had to be prepared to roll with whatever pranks they had up their sleeves and to expect the unexpected. 

“Mike, Servo’s drowning again.”

“Oh, for-- Do you have to do this at every water crossing?”

Well, they’d already pulled the “unexpected” angle.

There had been a few things Gypsum had neglected to mention in the initial invitation. For one, this was apparently a “family affair” that they’d been doing annually with Joel and Mike for years. Jonah had become well acquainted with the two over the months following his return to Earth, but tagging along with them on a family camping trip, he couldn’t help but feel a little out of place.

“I’m  _ fine!” _ Servo sputtered as he was pulled from the hardly 5-inch deep water. “I just wanted to cool off, that’s all. It’s hot.”

Crow scoffed, jostling his heavy backpack. “You’re not allowed to complain. You’re not even carrying anything.”

“At least I’ve been carrying my own weight,” Servo retorted, gesturing to where Cambot sat perched on Gypsum’s head. “ _ That _ can’t be said for everyone here.”

“Don’t you try and start anything,” Joel admonished as he took Servo from Mike’s arms. “Cambot’s just not made for this kind of movement. Now, did you get any mud in your hoverskirt this time?”

“Don’t think so,” Servo replied. “Buuuut since we can’t be too careful about damages, maybe one of you could carry me the rest of the way?”

“Drama queen,” Crow muttered. 

“I’ll take him,” Jonah offered, extending his arms. 

“Sweet!” Servo cheered, launching out of Joel’s grip, splattering him with the muddy water accumulated in his propulsion systems. Jonah crossed his arms before the robot could reach him. 

“See? You’re fine,” Jonah smirked. 

“We’re almost there, anyway,” Gypsum added. Cambot whirred in assent. “Let’s just get moving.”

The group continued onward, Gypsum and Cambot leading the pack with Jonah following close behind. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop being impressed with how fast she manages to move with all that coiled tubing,” Joel mentioned to Jonah.

“Hm?” Jonah replied. “Ah. Yeah. She’s adaptive, that’s for sure.”

“I’d say. And it just took her no time at all to get used to being on the ground after all that time in that brilliant ceiling rig.”

Jonah rubbed the back of his neck. “Was that a compliment? Thanks.”

Joel took a pause. “You’ve been awfully quiet. You doing okay?”

“Of course!” Jonah responded. “I’m good. This is good. It’s great to be able to, well,” he gestured around, “see all this stuff again. It’s just… well, it’s a little weird.”

Joel nodded, exhaling. “You know, that’s pretty close to what Mike told me the first time we did this trip, and that was still after a full year back on the ground.”

Jonah swallowed. “I mean, that’s not all of--”

“Weird looking rock at two o’clock!” Crow declared, pointing ahead. “We’re almost there!”

Jonah was pulled out of his thoughts by the shout, looking forward at the large lump of stone the robot was not running toward. It was a little oddly shaped, and looked like it had a chunk blown out of it, but aside from that it wasn’t too remarkable.

“We’ve accumulated a few landmarks on this trail,” Mike said as he caught up with Jonah. “The Weird Rock has seen a lot over the years.”

Gypsum nodded. “The Weird Rock has seen too much.”

All but Jonah shared a chuckle over that. 

“That’s… If you’re referencing something, you’ve lost me,” Jonah admitted.

“We’re going to need to develop some new inside jokes for you,” Mike elbowed him playfully.

The group chugged along. 

 

“Finally!” Crow shouted. “We made it!”

Cambot whirred happily and rushed ahead, quickly followed by the other bots. Wordlessly, Mike extended an arm to Jonah, guiding him into what could be understated as a clearing. It was more like an open field littered with broken trees, rocks, and the occasional large dips in the earth. It didn’t strike Jonah as the perfect camping spot, but before he could ask any questions, he picked up on the chattering of the bots.

“Aw, man! Somebody took away the last of the scrap metal!” Servo griped.

“I guess it was only a matter of time before the park rangers decided to finish cleaning the place up,” Gypsum said. “It’s amazing how… natural this all looks.”

“We’re in the woods. That’s kind of part of the package,” Crow snarked.

Gypsum shot him a glare. “You know what I mean. If they’d left some of the wreckage here, the place would be ready to be photographed for one of those solarpunk ‘reclaimed by nature’ blogs.”

Cambot let out a soft whine of disappointment as they rested at the base of a cracked tree.

Jonah turned to Joel and Mike as they set down their bags. “This is your camping spot?”

“Doesn’t look like much, does it?” Mike said. “Well, it used to be a whole lot worse, but the folks who own the place thought that smoldering metal and broken theater seats didn’t fit the natural look.”

Jonah blinked, pieces of information clicking together in his mind. “No way.”

Joel nodded with a small smile. “Hard to believe the whole satellite could’ve fit here, don’tcha think?”

Mike shrugged. “I mean, it didn’t. This is just where they found the biggest chunk.”

“This is where the first SOL-- oh  _ wow, _ ” Jonah continued, his hands sliding through his hair. “Of course. So this is why you do the camping trip?”

Mike nodded. “It makes a pretty good reminder.”

“Yeah,” Crow added, popping into the conversation. “It’s nice to have the physical evidence that we made it here and aren’t in some coma dream.”

“Crow, do you think you could help us find some firewood?” Joel asked.

The golden robot crossed his arms. “We  _ just _ got off the trail. Can’t we have a break from physical labor?”

“We have to cook dinner. Then you have free time.”

Crow stomped off. “That coma doesn’t sound so bad right now.”

_

Once the hot dogs and s’mores had been cooked and eaten, the sunset had almost completely retreated behind the trees, and the sleeping bags were beginning to unroll.

“So no tent?” Jonah asked as he rolled out his sleeping bag.

“Nope,” Mike shook his head. “But believe me, we checked the weather very thoroughly. Mistakes have been made.”

Gypsum shuddered from where she lay coiled up. “2007 was a dark, cold year.”

Jonah looked up at the sky. “Well, the hike did take a lot out of me, but isn’t it still pretty early?”

“We’re not sleeping just yet,” Servo stretched out his spring arms as he lounged on his child-size Hello Kitty sleeping bag. “This is designated Chill Under The Stars time.”

Jonah took a careful seat on his own sleeping bag. “This is a little different from what I expected.”

“How so?” Joel raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I had expected more frequent attempts on my dignity from these two,” Jonah began, jerking his thumb toward Crow and Servo. Both made a sarcastic pearl-clutching gesture. 

“Us? Attempt to prank and/or humiliate you?” Servo exclaimed. “Why, you wound me, Heston.”

“Absurd! Inconceivable! Disgraceful!” Crow added. “Also, there’s no need for you to look in your shoes next time you put them on. I couldn’t find anything gross enough.”

Jonah smiled. “For another thing, I was kind of surprised that you were coming. You guys. I mean, I don’t want you to take that to mean I don’t like your company or anything, but… I mean… Well, it’s been…”

Words fell out of Jonah’s grasp as he fumbled with his thoughts, choosing to shut up altogether and taking a sip from his water bottle. He tried to avoid Joel and Mike’s gazes, but when he looked up, there was no judgement on their faces. 

“All that time making snappy jokes and I’m still no good talking to people when it counts,” Jonah smiled sheepishly.

“Been there,” Mike shrugged.

Cambot waved their box-flaps suddenly, gesturing upward. 

“Oh! There’s the moon,” Crow gazed up at the rising half-moon. “Stars are coming out, too. You guys ready?”

Everyone nodded or affirmed in some way, save for a confused Jonah taking another sip of water.

“Gentlemen and gentlebots!” Gypsum announced. “Three! Two! One! Fire!”

On her cue, every member of the party who was capable extended an arm and flipped the bird toward the sky. 

“Fuck you, space!” Gypsum and Servo cheered in unison, Cambot beeping in cadence with them.

Water sprayed from Jonah’s mouth as he made choking sounds. His eyes darted between the humans and robots, bewildered by the coordinated profanity. “What?”

“That’s for keeping me tethered to a mentally inhibiting space vessel for years!” Gypsum hollered.

“This is for my plethora of emotional issues!” Crow snapped at the dark void of stars.

“I spent the best and worst years of my life up there!” Joel yelled. “And we made it out alive! All of us! You can’t take that away again!”

Jonah took a deep breath, catching on. “I got  _ eaten _ by a  _ metal dinosaur! _ ” he shouted. “On my own wedding day! My own involuntary wedding day! And that’s just the tip of the space-iceberg!”

“I spent centuries alone!”

“I’ve watched my own body self-destruct repeatedly!”

“Bee-beep wrrrrr!”

“I’ve destroyed the lives of millions and destroyed civilizations!”

The group all looked away from the sky and at each other, quiet for a moment before falling into wild laughter. 

“Fuck space!” Servo declared.

“Space is the worst!” Jonah fell back onto his sleeping bag. “I can’t believe used to work there!”

The seven of them lay on their backs, laughing together for several minutes before the quiet of the night fell over them again.

“Seems so far away, doesn’t it?”

Jonah turned his head at the sound of Mike’s voice. Mike didn’t move.

“I… yeah.”

“Do you look at the stars much?” Joel asked, sitting up.

“Not as much as I used to,” Jonah admitted. The older man gave a sad smile.

“I was the same way when I came back. Our first one of these trips was the first time I could force myself to look at the night sky in a long time.”

Mike shrugged as he sat up. “Me, I was the opposite. It was like I couldn’t believe I was here unless I could see how far away the moon was.”

A calm silence covered the next minute like a soft blanket. By all rights, Jonah observed, this should have been an awkward silence, and they even had the sound of crickets as accompaniment. Instead, all he felt was a sense of common understanding. He took in a deep breath of the night air.

Mike nudged his arm. “Hey, I’ll bet you’d never believe it if you went back in time and told yourself you’d end up in a family with a couple of weirdos and a bunch of robots.”

“I don’t know,” Jonah laughed. “I’ve always been pretty gullib--”

He choked on his last syllable as he finished processing Mike’s words. 

“...Family?” he squeaked.

“Jeez, Jonah,” Crow sat up. “Didn’t think you were that thick.”

“Way back around 2000, we were in a pretty weird place,” Mike explained. “We’d been on Earth for some time, but it was impossible for anything to feel normal after… well, everything. Joel and I were negotiating the bots’ living arrangements, I was struggling to find employment… things were just weird. That’s when we planned the camping trip. We put it close to the one-year anniversary of the crash, and when we got here we just spent the whole time talking about life on the satellite; things we hated, things we missed, things we just couldn’t get used to back on Earth…”

“The seven of us here have been through things that nobody else on this planet can relate to,” Gypsum chipped in. “Our experiences aren’t identical, but… who else can you talk to who can really understand what it’s like?”

“That’s what makes us a family,” Joel added. “The bots aren’t my family just because I built them. It’s because we’ve been brought together like this. Same with Mike. And if you’ll let us…”

The robots closed in around Joel and Mike, looking over at Jonah, who had been stunned into silence.

A moment passed.

Crow coughed. “Okay, is this kind of creepy to anybody else, or--”

Crow had no time to finish his thought as Jonah pulled the six of them into a silent bear hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
